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Post by Dane on Sept 6, 2008 14:36:29 GMT -5
I decided I needed to tell some jokes. So I opened this up and am gonna post some jokes myself.
Unfortunately most of my jokes are dirty so I'll probably only post 10% of my jokes, yes 10% I'm not kidding.
The first one is a little mean, but I think it's good for a chuckle.
Q. What does DNA stand for?
A. National Dyslexic Association
I know it's mean. *Prepares to get pelted*
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Xero
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Post by Xero on Sept 11, 2008 8:41:34 GMT -5
<rofl>... Wow!
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Post by Dane on Sept 11, 2008 13:49:26 GMT -5
I heard this silly one today aswell.
Q. How do you kill a circus?
A.Go for the juggler.
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Xero
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Post by Xero on Sept 12, 2008 13:54:26 GMT -5
Wow! These are bad, but it is the stupid humor in them that keep me rolling!
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earlyrose
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There is a thorn on every rose....but they're so pretty!
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Post by earlyrose on Sept 13, 2008 3:05:25 GMT -5
A man walks into a bar..... ouch.
The police found two teenageers; one was eating a firework, the other a battery. They decided to let one off and charge the other.
My dad has a constant stream of bad jokes, I love them.
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Post by Dane on Oct 26, 2008 17:26:51 GMT -5
Here is a funny one I heard.
Little Johnny came downstairs crying like a baby. His mother asked, "What's the matter now?" "Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer," said Johnny through his tears. "That's not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you're upset, but a big boy like you shouldn't cry at something like that. Why didn't you just laugh?" "I did!" sobbed Johnny.
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Xero
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Post by Xero on Oct 27, 2008 9:14:06 GMT -5
Yeah.... Done that.... ^^^^.... >.> ..... <.< ..... =T.T=
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Post by Dane on Oct 28, 2008 23:13:17 GMT -5
A man goes on a 2-month business trip to Europe and leaves his cat with his brother. Three days before his return he calls his brother. Brother 1: So how is my cat doing? Brother 2: She's Dead Brother 1: She's Dead! What do you mean He's Dead! I loved that cat. Couldn't you think of a nicer way to tell me! I'm leaving in 3 days. You could of broke me to the news easier. You could of told me today that she got out of the house or something. Then when I called before I left you could of told me, Well, we found her but she is up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down. Then when I call you from the airport you could of told me, The Fire Department was there and scared her off the roof and the cat died when it hit the ground. Brother 2: I'm sorry...you're right...that was insensitive I won't let it happen again. Brother 1: Alright, alright, forget about it. Anyway, how is Mom doing? Brother 2: She's up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down.
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Post by Dane on Nov 21, 2008 7:10:19 GMT -5
Here are a few more jokes for you guys.
After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, the young farm boy decided to play a prank. He went to the chicken coop and replaced every single egg with a brightly colored one.
A few minutes later the rooster walked in saw all the colored eggs, then stormed outside and killed the peacock.
Also I found a whole bunch of funny lame halloween jokes, for fun and lameness.
Q. Why was the student vampire tired in the morning? A. Because he was up all night studying for his blood test!!!
Q. Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day? A. It's good for the bones.
Q. Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry? A. They're afraid of flying off the handle!
Q. Why don't skeletons like parties? A. They have no body to dance with.
Q. Why do mummies make excellent spies? A. They're good at keeping things under wraps.
Q. Why do vampires drink blood? A. Because coffee keeps them awake all day!
Q. Why doesn't Dracula have any friends? A. Because he's a pain in the neck!
Q. Why did the mummy call the doctor? A. Because he was coffin.
Q. Why did the ghost go to the doctor? A. To get his boo-ster shot?
Q. Why are there fences around cemeteries? A. Because people are dying to get in.
Q. Who did Frankenstein take to the prom? A. His ghoul friend.
Q. Where does Dracula water ski? A. On Lake Erie
Q. Where does Count Dracula make his withdrawals? A. At the blood bank.
Q. When does a ghost need a license? A. During "haunting" season.
Q. What's a haunted chicken? A. A poultry-geist.
Q. What was the witches' favorite subject in school? A. Spelling
Q. What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A. A dead ringer.
Q. What do little ghosts drink? A. Evaporated milk.
Q. What type of coffee do vampires prefer? A. Decoffinated!
Q. What time would it be if five demons were chasing you? A. Five after one.
Q. What kind of mistakes do spooks make? A. Boo boos
Q. What do ghosts serve for dessert? A. Ice Scream
Q. What kind of boat pulls Dracula when he water skis? A. A blood vessel
Q. How did the ghost patch his sheet? A. With a pumpkin patch.
Q. What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost? A. Don't spook until your spooken to.
Q. What did the Mommy Vampire say to the Baby Vampire? A. "You are driving me batty."
Q. What did the monster eat after the dentist pulled his tooth? A. The dentist!
Q. What do ghouls order at McMonsters? A. Handburgers.
Q. What do spooks call their Navy? A. The ghost guard.
Q. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? A. Squash
Q. Why do cemeteries have fences around them? A. Because people are dying to get in.
Q. Why do witches think they're funny? A. Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.
Q. Why did the tiny ghost join the football squad? A. He had heard that they needed a little team spirit !
Q. Why don't skeletons like to eat spicy food? A. They can't stomach it!
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earlyrose
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There is a thorn on every rose....but they're so pretty!
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Post by earlyrose on Nov 21, 2008 14:24:22 GMT -5
Q. Why do cemeteries have fences around them? A. Because people are dying to get in.
Q. Why do witches think they're funny? A. Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.
The best two =D!
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Ayla
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Post by Ayla on Dec 19, 2008 12:26:56 GMT -5
The poultry-geist one reminds me of Pleakly. "Could it be? A haunted turkey!?"
What did the kid with the weird sense of humor name his pet snail? Salt. As in, Salt the Snail. =P
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earlyrose
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There is a thorn on every rose....but they're so pretty!
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Post by earlyrose on Dec 19, 2008 17:13:58 GMT -5
Some cracker jokes!
What do you call a penguin in the Sahara Desert? Lost
Why don't penguins come to England? They're afraid of Wales
Why did the scientist get a door knocker? To win a no-bell prize
And the worst of all....
What must you know to be an auctioneer? Lots!!
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Post by Dane on Dec 19, 2008 18:41:03 GMT -5
Jokes so lame they make you laugh. Your right, the last one was the worst one.
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earlyrose
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There is a thorn on every rose....but they're so pretty!
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Post by earlyrose on Dec 20, 2008 14:22:38 GMT -5
Ah wait these are my most favourate jokes.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor
What do you get if you drop it on a battle field? A flat major
And what do you call a duck with a machine gun? Sir!
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earlyrose
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There is a thorn on every rose....but they're so pretty!
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Post by earlyrose on Dec 20, 2008 14:28:40 GMT -5
Ooh and another one I forgot!
A panda goes into a bar, orders some food, eats it, and then stands up and shoots the barman. Then he leaves. Someone calls the police and they arrive and catch the panda down the street. One of the policemen says to him, "But why did you do it?" and he says, "Well, I looked panda up in the dictionary and it says, "Panda: Eats shoots and leaves."
A man goes into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm, and says to the barman, "A beer, please." The barman says, "How many?" and the man says, "One for me and one for the road."
=D lol.
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